I remember the night I decided to share this blog post. I was sitting at my reading table, in pain. But the pain within my heart was more, compared to the pain from the stitches, and open wounds on my legs.
My heart was in a quandry. I had questions, most of which sounded like accusations. God, why me? Why would you allow this? Why Lord? Is the stress not enough?
In the midst of my questions, I knew my heart was not in a good place. Questioning God never delivers the freedom we need to bring us into a new place, the secret counsel of the Lord is revealed to the meek (Psalms 25:9)
No, God is never mischievous, and he would never give us as prey to the enemy. But God in his infinite wisdom is able to work ALL THINGS according to the counsel of his will.
But there is a kind of heart that sees the wisdom of God in all things, even in situations that seem to be beyond us, it is a trusting heart.
Back to my earlier thought. I was still in the middle of my questuons when I saw a message from a friend of mine. He sent me a voice note, the same voice note I sent to him last year. It was a song that the Lord sang over me in a season of transition.
“In your highs and in your lows
Wherever you may be
I’ll be there with you
Coz in your heart
Is where I want to be
Wherever you may be
I’ll be there with you”
That song was like a light in my darkness, it brought reassurance to my heart, God is with me. Even now, he cares for me, and he loves me. I do not understand what is happening, but I can trust in the goodness of the Lord.
All of a sudden I felt like a child learning to walk. Of course, I was learning to use my legs physically, because of the stiffness, but I had to consciously take steps within too. I had to face my fears and questions each day, and leave them at the feet of the GOOD FATHER.
You have no idea how deep my dark hole was, but I was committed to taking steps each day, out of that darkness , into the light.
In that season, every word I had received before then made every sense, every blog post had a new meaning, every song I had heard before resonated at a different level , interactions I had with the Lord in the past flooded my soul with so much strength.
I was in the middle of a battle, battle for my mind, battle for clarity, for understanding , and a war against the mountains that told me God is not good.
In the face of my battles, I had no doctrinal propositions, nor words that could answer my glaring questions. But I had a treasury on the inside of me, filled with memories of the word of the Lord, dreams, interactions, songs, gifts, instructions, jokes, and sacred moments that the Lord had shared with me before that season.
Every word, every joke, every interaction I’ve had with the Lord before that season, became a weapon of war.
It was too hard to stay in despair, when my previous conversations with God kept floating in my heart. I couldn’t read the bible for long, because of eye and head aches, but I had the Spirit of Truth, who brought me into REMEMBRANCE of every word, of every counsel, of every touch that mattered, of every thought that counts.
Words fail me. It felt like building a fortress in the midst of a wilderness, and my stones of building were my internal MEMORIES, and the consistent structure that the Lord had built within, by the virtue of my interactions with him.
In that moment, it made sense. My walk with God is a weapon, not a charade for onlookers. My walk with God is valid, not a fleeting shadow that holds no water. My walk with God is Real, it is not a fairy tale that is stuck up in my imagination somewhere.
Brick after brick, the Lord brought the walls down, and touch after touch, he restored my soul.
That was when it dawned on me, that our weapons of victory in battles yet to come are forged in the everyday experiences, as we walk with God.
I don’t know what my walk today would translate into tomorrow. I don’t know the situation or scenario that would place a demand on the living waters within, ever flowing in consonance with the Father’s heart.
But I know one thing, that my interactions with the Lord today are not nothing. That joke, that wink, that touch, that word, that caress, that chat, that habit, that discipline, that routine, that song, that gist, that relationship, is a big deal in the bigger picture.
Dear friend, your walk with the Lord is a big deal, it is not a waste. It is not to be taken for granted. Now don’t get worked up in the moment, relax, take a deep breath, this is not a dress rehearsal, neither is it a drama you have to methodically play out.
I am just saying PUT YOUR HEART IN THE MOMENT, look deeply into your Lord’s eyes and ENJOY your Lord. Enjoy your walk, enjoy your journey. Don’t bother about what may happen tomorrow, tomorrow is super pregnant with its own demands.
Elizabeth Elliott’s words comes to mind at this point, “It is God to whom and with whom we travel, and while He is the end of our journey, He is also at every stopping place.”
This moment, hand in hand with the Lord, is a precious gift you shouldn’t take for granted.
We would only see the goodness of God to the extent that we trust him. Your distrust doesn’t invalidate his goodness, it only blinds you from seeing the obvious truth that has been there all along.
Your walk with God makes every sense. He has led you through paths that have been tailored for you, according to what he has written concerning you in his book. Today, it may not make a complete meaning, but when the time comes for you to tell your story and win your battles, you would be ready.
Every experience of God is to help you express your True self.
Never forget this truth, that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, they are mighty through God, they are fashioned by God, even in the daily experiences.
Pay attention.
Omo Oba.